A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
