woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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