Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
