sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize