Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
