All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
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