"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Welp...herpes.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
