I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
