She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
