Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
