OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
