We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
