i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
