Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
