The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
