I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I need to calm my uterus...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
