you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
