You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
