You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
