wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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