people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
