Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
