Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
