just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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