i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
