When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
