I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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