Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
