We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
