I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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