it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
