don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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