Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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