That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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