I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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