i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
