apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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