Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My sheets look like a crime scene.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
