so explain again why im purple
no
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
