I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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