Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
