Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
