He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
