Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
