Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
