I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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