you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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