Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Randomize
