I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We have started to decorate penises.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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