it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
