This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
