Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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