I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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