people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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