my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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