my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
