In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
