Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
