But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
