I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
