He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
A+ Viking dick
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