She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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