she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
