but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
