I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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