Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Small penises have feelings too.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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