he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
