It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
