You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
