i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
