I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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