forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
