After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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