It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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