I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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