His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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